Immortals

Old news for sure, but here goes anyways...Immortals, presented in gold saturated 3-D is the latest in the the trashy gods and generals swords and sandals collection.  Directed by Tarsem, the visual stylist of such flicks as The Cell and The Fall, one would expect at the very least some delightful eye candy.  Instead, what's there is a half cooked warrior tale with little dimension, despite the plentiful bespectacled things thrown our way.  Our hero, Theseus (played with grave nonchalance by Henry Cavill, who proves he might be a fetching Superman when the Zach Synder flick arrives, however has little presence or humor in the warrior role), is a peasant, a bastard child, but shined so greatly by the gods he at first believes not in.  He's an outsider, as a war looms, led by a scene-stealing Mickey Rourke, as King Hypernon, who wants something, or is mad at something...well it's a bit hard to tell, and I suppose it hardly matters anyway.  A few mighty talents (including Rourke, John Hurt and Stephen Dorff) slum it admirably, grabbing the paychecks they seek, but there's little to rouse and holler about, as the events are all slogged and earthbound.  Neither pitched as high camp or hot-boiler, this humorless, hum-drum, mortal affair leaves a sad, but urgent case for the delights of trash like the original Clash of the Titans, which was fully aware of it's own quasi-Greek inspired nonsense.  Zeus makes an appearance, as well he would, and is played by the handsome but expressionless Luke Evans, but again, where's Laurence Olivier's hamming when you really need it.  D